Cursed

“Why do you feel you’re alone?”

The therapist paused, allowing the question to hang heavily in the air. Between him and his client. His intense gaze was drilling a hole in her soul, but she remained unfazed. Stoic. Her therapist, drop-dead gorgeous with a set of lips that demanded your undivided attention along with a few streaks of grey complimenting his otherwise striking black hair, was really a recipe for a beautiful disaster. Owner of a deep voice and a smile that could tangle plenty butterflies amidst one’s heartstrings, his eyes spoke volumes about a story different than what his personality exuded.

“Why do you feel you’ll always be alone?”

Such simple questions; asked with a gentle voice, yet the impact with which they hit her shook her world. She turned her face away from the window; the sun was finally starting his descend. She looked dead in his eyes and saw what he was staring at and why his face changed tremendously. A cloud of sadness blinded her image in his eyes and the last thing she remembered seeing in them was her letting out a smile.

A melancholic smile.

She blinked.

A light breeze uplifting the lonely leaf, making it dance in the air.

A single drop of rain, leaving the clouds too soon.

A clueless child, abandoned on a train by his parents.

A girl, with one mind but thousand entangled thoughts, sitting with a single cup of coffee; brimming with despair.

She was looking at a piece of herself in everything around her, especially the girl who sat at the café with a plastered smile on her face as she faced her brother and his girlfriend, her forefinger tracing the brim of the cup absentmindedly. She walked up to the door and taking a deep breath, stepped into the café and took a seat next to that girl with the suffering soul. She placed her hand on top of the girl’s, almost hoping that she could magically transfer some kind of warmth into those veins that ran so cold.

It was so surreal to look at yourself like that; through a looking glass. Through the windows to her soul, to her heart. She could see how happy her brother was, for he had found someone for whom his heart beat for. She was a blessing in his life; she saw and felt that.

A sharp twist to the knife.

She had someone in her life too: her blessing, her everything. But as she sat there, glancing at the empty seat next to her, she realized that she was truly alone. A soft hold around her wrist, her finger marched to the drumming of her own pulse thundering against her veins. She knew who her heart belonged to, who those heartbeats were truly meant for. And yet, she felt a gaping hole within her being for her soul was weeping.

Longing for their presence.

Craving for their touch.

Yearning for their love.

Just looking at her brother and his girlfriend sit together, squabble over basically nothing but still in the presence of each other made her heart ache. Those inside jokes, quick but also lingering glances between them didn’t go unnoticed by her and she died some more. She had so much love to give to the person she wanted to be with, but the inevitable truth of miles and miles between them was taking a drastic toll on her.

The claws of loneliness were digging deep into her, making her feel a plethora of emotions. Flashes of her being with her person kept haunting her, making her both smile and break her heart into pieces. The person she wanted to be with was her far-fetched dream that she knew, deep down, would never come true. Scenarios where she was just holding her beloved’s hand; looking into their eyes, communicating just through them; laughing in the most unattractive manner together at things that only meant something and everything to them; looking at her love enjoy something they desired and smiling to herself for her heart was blossoming looking at her beloved, falling in love with them more, played on a constant loop in her mind. Taking them in her arms and caressing their hair and smelling the breathtaking essence of their being. Protecting them any and every day; loving them with a passion that would leave her beloved breathless.

She blinked.

The therapist stayed eerily quiet. He was no longer seeking for answers from her. She looked up and back into his alluring eyes. She let out that smile again.

“You already know my answer.” His throat constricted. “Don’t you?”

For the first time ever, the therapist said absolutely nothing but she got her answer through his eyes bearing only pain and suffering.